December 31st, 2011, I hit the bottom with a deep and thick heavy thud. The months prior had become a personal hell so intense that the only mode I knew was …spin. On one hand, I had finally stepped into a long held dream of teaching classes at the Omega Institute in New York. The toolbox of tools I had gathered over the years was finally being put to use and teaching put me in a new state of glory. Quite oppositely, I’d come to the harsh realization that the life I had built with my partner in Chicago, was not and would never be fulfilling. I was in the midst of a nasty breakup with many unforeseen hard lessons to digest and learn. A few months prior, my family had suffered a tragic loss with the sudden passing of my stepfather Jim. Months before that my grandfather and uncle took their last breaths. Then came the loss of one of my greatest mentors, Matteo and my dog who was simply dying from old age, but it was sad and hard for everyone. Death had turned my family upside down and instead of tribing together, great separation on many levels was occurring.
After teaching, I traveled cross-country to try to hold everyone together and help their needs, but when people say, you can’t help things that aren’t ready to be helped, they mean it. This was a hard lesson for me to learn and all efforts that winter left me in a exhausted, devastated puddle. As quickly as I had stepped into my purpose in NY, I lost it once back on hometown turf. After my teaching contract ended I was jobless, after leaving my relationship I was homeless, the line up of my winter work last minute fell through and I felt completely unwanted by some of those that I stood loyal to loving the most. The icy temps of a Chicago winter was in full swing and through these events and more, my whole sense of belonging, of love, and of foundation was gone. The feeling of even knowing which way was up was gone, leaving me feeling numb and lost to my core. The even bigger kicker is that by profession, I am an empowerment coach specializing in life navigation and love, so not knowing which direction to even point my car and if it should be packed with a swimsuit or a long wool coat was a blow to my self confidence and trust.
I think we all go through times where the unknown is so overwhelming that we have to feel lost before we can find ourselves. It happens often at that moment when we can no longer deny that the lives we’ve built in our aim for ‘success’ are void of something. But then all the responsibility we’ve taken on seems to cause a paralyzing hold from moving toward discovering and actualizing our happiness. Most of my life I have had an incredibly hard time embracing the unknown, but I’ve had to learn how to let go, love myself and embrace big change over and over again. I used to think I was born without the muscles capable of making decisions, nor the ones to trust and love myself. There have been so many times in my life where the magic disappeared and all that was left felt like constricting walls. But these times have left me with lessons that have become my reminders and guidebook of sorts to embrace the unknown better than ever. These are a handful of my tools that have and continue to work for me.
- Acknowledge Your Truth of What Is. It may differ from someone else, but it’s still yours, so honor it, all of it, no matter how difficult that is.
- Own the Gap– We can take the fear out of not knowing when we realize we are in a gap. Things are cloudy in the gap, but all we have to do is stay aware and breathe until the clouds pass and we can take the next step.
- Step Back, Look at the Bigger Picture and Love Yourself Free. John G. Shedd said, “Ships are safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” If you ask me, we are like ships learning to navigate a human life adventure.
- Take nothing personally- Often the people we love the most will leave us with the greatest scars, but when we decide that the pain is not worth holding onto and can extract whatever personal lessons are there, we soar and develop our strongest muscles.
- Keep the Faith – No matter what happens, Never ever, ever give up believing in something greater than you can presently see. If you haven’t tried it lately, ask for some divine unseen help and pay attention, you are never alone.
- Clean your Lenses and Adjust your Focus- Things are whatever we decide they are and negativity will only disconnect us, distort our vision and squash, well…Everything. It is not worth it to let shitty disempowering thoughts take up rental space in your body.
- Gratitudinize- When we live each day with gratitude, life becomes lighter, easier to digest and there’s an increase in flow. Can you find 5 things off the top of your head you are grateful for now?
- Get Grounded, Get Out and Stay Connected to Nature and Cycles. This sounds pretty easy, but a lot of people aren’t and if you are not, you will not be living in the optimal flow you deserve.
- Don’t Judge Yourself or Others. Everyone learns in different ways and times, and what is our right or our lesson may not be the same for someone else. Stop judging and instead take some time to cultivate patience and compassion.
- Make Time to Play and Let it Out- Play like a kid or with kids or with animals. They are filled with sparks that will do wonders for your heart and your spirit.
- Embrace the Wobble- You will wobble, you may fall, especially if you are a badass committed to your own growth. Simply knowing that makes embracing change easier.
- Paddle in Your flow- This is where some serious trust for your own knowing comes in. The greatest gifts you can develop for yourself are awareness, self-trust and momentum muscles to move in directions that are right for you.
- Tap into your Soul Tribe- We all need community that we naturally feel alive and fully loved around. If you haven’t found yours yet, move toward what you love and position yourself around others with the same passion. The spark to ignite your fire will be there guaranteed.
- Love Thyself Fearlessly- There’s only one you and we are all doing the best we can with our current hand of cards. Loving ourselves for who we already are is necessary for an enjoyable life. What if your goal was to become a hero to who you were yesterday?
So yes, life had me making wild leaps into the unknown post that winter. Although I was closer to giving up than I’d ever been, I refused to. Instead, I accepted what was, processed the emotions that came with those experiences, shed the skins of the past, learned the lessons and grew. I am proud to say that no residue of pain is holding me back from being a great loving force here to rock the planet with others doing the same. Learning to embrace what is does not mean we have to like or be happy with what’s happening at all, but trying to suppress or push away the truth of what is only hurts us more. And when get hurt, our vision often gets distorted, and the last thing we want is advice from people that are thriving because all we are trying to do is survive. Those dark days are the crucial times to keep focused on the light and to remember that we are loveable, that we are worthy of taking up space, that we are here for a reason, and that things will get better. What tools are in Your Embracing The Unknown toolbox I wonder? Feel free to share below and use as many of mine as you wish.
Sending a mass of love your way,
Keep that soul shining ~ Chrystal
